Wednesday, December 29, 2010

2010

*Editors Note*: The following writings were found scribbled in crayon, on various scraps of paper, tucked underneath a pile of stuffed animals in the bedroom of Kayla and Megan Vogts. They are presented here, unedited, for posterity.

Jan 2010 (Megan): Still reeling from the implications of late last month. Many grown ups brought us things, which of course isn't unusual, but for some reason they chose to trap them in brightly colored paper. Kayla insists this happened a few months back as well. We played along, but a troubling development.














Kayla stricken with some kind of mysterious disease, resulting in spots all over her face and body. My attempts to find a cure frustrated by constant interference from the parents. Kayla however seems in relatively good spirits, and my research indicated the threat is minor.

Our attempts at communication proving fruitful, yet slow. Talk of certain toys or food are sometimes recognized, but a request for a periodic table of elements has so far been met with only blank stares.

February (Kayla): We continue to explore our surroundings, determining if this domicile is adequate for our needs. So far the facilities seem sufficient; however the laboratory, on first inspection, seems woefully understocked.















We're hopeful the basement may provide a more suitable research environment. Our daily excursions to this "Miss Kelli's" is providing an incredible intelligence opportunity, though, even if the required attire is somewhat confining.














March (Megan): A breakthrough. It turns out the noisy person in the corner of the living room is, in fact, some sort of communication or entertainment device. We have bore witness to the exploits of a girl named "Dora" who seems to be some kind of philanthropist/globe trotter (funding for our research?), and a group of four men known as the "Wiggles", who seem overly concerned with fruit salad for some reason. I have attempted to speak with their leader, Greg, about procuring some computer time in their "Wiggle House", but he so far has not acknowledged my requests. Perhaps his communications are being monitored.















We received some grooming recently, and continue to do what we can to assist the parents in making our surroundings acceptable for our purposes.














May (Kayla): Megan's theory that procuring the parents shoes would allow us to "grow big" proved to be false. Disappointing, but this is part of the scientific process of course. Tomorrow, we will attempt again with their t-shirts.














We continue with our designs. By my calculations, we can have the wind tunnel installed by next month, which will allow us to begin work on our prototypes. Megan believes she can have the reactor online by the end of the year.














June (Megan): Summer has brought an unexpected windfall: a cooling pool! Revising my estimates on the go live date for the reactor by at least a month.















Our anti-gravity experiments, however, have met with mixed results.














Communication with the parents has continued to improve. We can finally make them understand simple sentences, such as "More fruit". Again, however, their understanding proves limited, as a request for an industrial strength diamond drill resulted in a graham cracker. Must remind ourselves that science can afford to be patient.

July (Kayla): A rare recreational opportunity.








The respite was brief, of course, as that fractal generation software wasn't going to program itself. Not yet, anyway.



















Daddy and Mommy left us in the care of Granny and Grandpa for a couple of days. We had high hopes going in, but sadly there was not a copy of the Journal of Applied Physics to be found in the house.

September (Megan): The parents mean well, but honestly...














THEY HUNG IT ON THE FRIDGE! That paper proved P = NP, presents a unified field theory that will one day be the theoretical basis for observing and manipulating the graviton, and identifies several promising theories for describing the effect quantum entanglement might have on current black hole theoretical models, and did they call the Nobel committee? Did they even submit it to a single scientific journal? No, up it goes with a 6 month old shopping list. Nice.



















Diego, how do you deal with stuff like this?

October (Kayla): Once again, we celebrate the anniversary of our birth. It's somewhat depressing to think that we're already 2 years old, and have yet to have a single mathematical theorem named after us, but Megan reminds me that Einstein worked as a patent clerk for several years as well. I suppose we can afford ourselves a little bit of leeway.
















We have decided to take on some interns to train, and to help us around the lab, perform routine experiments, etc. So far they seem to be a bit overwhelmed with the workload, but we're confident we can whip them into shape.














December (Megan): At last my reactor is ready to be brought online. The cold fusion reaction is providing nearly a 500% energy return, and that's even before we introduce the quantum superposition field.














Once again our parents have unwittingly provided us with some key components, including scientific instruments, and a simple yet effective housing structure.































We're confident that if we can achieve a stable petawatt output, the Nobel committee will have no choice but recognize our accomplishments.

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